


honey just kiss me like real people do | pre-op trans!hajime hinata drabbles

by komaedakun



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Bisexual Hinata Hajime, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Coming Out, FTM Hinata Hajime, Ficlet, Flashbacks, Fluff, Gay Komaeda Nagito, Happy Ending, Hinata Hajime Doesn't Bind, Hinata Hajime and Kamukura Izuru Share a Body Simultaneously, Idiots in Love, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Sex, Innuendo, Kissing, LGBTQ Character, Love, M/M, Memories, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Smut, Needles, POV Hinata Hajime, Personal Growth, Post-Dangan Ronpa 3: Hope Arc, Queer Themes, Recovery, References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Romance, Self-Indulgent, Self-Love, Trans Hinata Hajime, Trans Male Character, Transgender, Transitioning, True Love, Wholesome, Work In Progress, self-care
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:07:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28335885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/komaedakun/pseuds/komaedakun
Summary: trans people are works of art and im tired of cis people giving us nothing but angst and despair in their works. trans people are magical and loved and are allowed to be confident and allowed to love our bodies. cis people tread lightly as you read, for if you make a mistake i will hunt you for sport.___SFW: I, II, III, IIII, V, VI, VIINSFW: VIIIREQUESTS: Open
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 40
Kudos: 108
Collections: Trans Centric SDR2 Fics





	1. I

And suddenly, I was awake. The warm morning light seeps through the blinds in our cabin, bathing me and Komaeda in golden sunlight. I yawn and pull Komaeda closer to me. I like the way his skin glows in the sun, he looks almost angelic. I give him a little kiss on the shoulder and bury myself in his soft hair. As the days have grown longer and hotter outside, we've made it a habit to sleep shirtless. Judging from the fading hickeys scattered across my chest and collarbones, it's safe to say Komaeda doesn't mind, hehe. I love lazy summer mornings like these, and I love the active afternoons that follow them. Me and Komaeda usually spend a few hours on the beach everyday playing volleyball with Owari and Mioda. Komaeda's picked up a few freckles here and there from the sun and I've gotten quite a tan, which wasn't hard considering how brown I've always been. Even better, I've started gaining more muscle which is awesome. Nidai keeps offering to train me, but I doubt that's something I'd survive. At long last, Komaeda finally stirs.

"Ah, good morning Hinata-kun~" He yawns, turning around to face me. "You're so warm..." He mumbles. "You just get cold too easily!" I laugh, practically scooping him up. He kisses my neck, already leaving a fresh mark when the old ones haven't even begun to fade. I hold his chin up with my hand and say "Oh come on, those are never gonna heal you know..." and lean down for a kiss. I love mornings like these.


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do i actually have to write this, is it not enough to daydream vividly about the scenes i want to write?

"Wow, you're getting strong, Hinata-kun!" Komaeda calls from the other side of the net. Today, we're playing beach volleyball with Pekoyama and Owari (who can never resist a good game). The way Pekoyama plays, you'd think it was a matter of life and death. Me and Owari make a surprisingly good team, although I can't say the same for Komaeda and Pekoyama. "Komaeda, we're never going to win with that form-!" I hear Pekoyama say to Komaeda, who does his best to adjust. I like the feeling of the sun on my skin and the sand crunching beneath my feet.

I like that my friends don't really care that I'm different, we've been through so much it'd be foolish to stop supporting each other now. Komaeda's known that I'm trans longer than everyone else (save for Nanami-san maybe, god rest her soul), and yet the only thing he truly "hated" about me was my status as a reserve course student, although I'm sure I've made up for that now as the Ultimate Hope. I love our new life on the real Jabberwock Island, which is thankfully lacking some of the more hideous scenery from the simulation. Each island is once again only accessible by boat, Monokuma Rock was never there to begin with and is actually a wonderfully pristine beach. Some things are recognizable from the simulation, like the hospital, library, and even the street with the ramen shop. The real islands are far less cluttered and developed and are mostly home to lush vegetation. When we first arrived we all had a bit of fun trying to spot the differences between the Jabberwock in the program and the Jabberwock where we now live. The arcade machines in the hotel lobby always have at _least_ one flower resting on them at all times as all of us had silently agreed to leave something for Nanami every time we pass by. Her hairpin is framed in a shadowbox and hangs on the wall next to the stairs leading up to the restaurant.   
  
"Alright, that's game! Nice job Komaeda, you're definitely improving!" Owari announces. She high-fives me and says "Good job today Hinata!". "Thanks, you too!" I smile. Owari has matured a lot since the simulation but she's still the same strong girl she's always been. The sun is just about to set over the sea, a perfect end to another perfect day. 

Komaeda and I are resting under a palm tree on the beach where we first "met", watching the sun dip below the ocean. Komaeda yawns sleepily and rests his head on my chest. "That was fun today..." He mumbles. "It must've tired you out, huh?" I joke. "Just..." He yawns again. "Just a little bit, Hinata-kun. You're very warm..." He chuckles. I put my arm around him and give him a few soft kisses. The last thought on my mind before I closed my eyes was: This must be the true love of fairy tales.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fully foams at the mouth.... himbo hajime.... hajime Muscle... hhhnhg
> 
> can someone draw this


	3. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the boys reminisce of times far behind them

"Do you remember when I first woke you up, back in the program?" Komaeda asks, looking up from his book. The library is quiet, peaceful, and smells of ancient yellowed paper. Dust settles in the sunbeams coming in through the window. "How could I not?" I laugh. I don't think I ever truly forgot and I don't think I ever will. "You were quite a sight to behold back in the day..." I say. He smiles and shoots back, "Am I not anymore?" Of course not, quite the opposite. In our (and the rest of our class's) mutual recovery, we've both grown stronger and healthier. Komaeda's eating properly and is better about taking his medicine now, and I think I'm the happiest I've ever been. "I think from the moment I met you, I knew we had... something. Whether it was good or bad, I couldn't tell, but I knew that my life would never be the same after that. Maybe our fates were meant to be intertwined!" Komaeda laughs cheerily. "It didn't hurt that you were quite handsome as well." He teases. "Ugh nooo... I had such a babyface back then!" I roll my eyes at him. "Not really," Komaeda replies, resting his head on my shoulder. "Your facial structure is just more defined now~" He smirks, giving me a light kiss on the jaw. " _Your facial structure is just more defined_ ~, do you have to say like, scientific information like that?" I mock him playfully. "Aw, why not?" He says. " _The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell~"_ He whispers airily. God, he's such a dork.

"I liked that one time we went to Chandler Beach, back in the program... It must've been right after Koizumi's trial, huh?" I sigh. As much as I'd never want to go back to the program, we had some nice moments amidst the despair, which I guess is a recurring theme in our lives. "It was kinda fun keeping our relationship a secret-" I start, although I get cut off by Komaeda. "Relationship is one word for it!" He chuckles. "We hooked up like 3 times and mutually hated each other most of the time." Hate's a strong word. He always knows just what to say, I think sarcastically. "But yeah, that was fun... That was when you came out to me too, right?" I nod. I remember it quite vividly and it's actually quite a pleasant memory now. "Yeah, that sounds about right... But we hadn't been hooking up just yet at that point so you're wrong there." Komaeda had practically begged me to go to the beach with him all afternoon and after a half-hour of trying to bargain with him I finally gave in. We met each other at Chandler Beach around 4 or 5 pm, I was wearing some floral swim trunks I picked up at the supermarket along with my button-up white shirt (sans the tie), while Komaeda was just wearing the school swim trunks Monomi handed out ages ago. 

_"Glad you could make it, Hinata-kun!" He said while waving to me. "Well I barely had a choice, didn't I?" I awkwardly set my towel down on one of the beach chairs. We stood in silence for maybe 10 seconds but it felt like an eternity while I nervously looked around. "Everything alright, Hinata-kun?" Komaeda asks, genuine concern in his voice. "I..." Should I tell him? "I don't know why I trust you so much, but I do, so..." I trailed off. Komaeda sat down on the edge of the chair opposite mine and motions for me to do the same. I sit down. "Look, I gotta tell you something man, I'm transgender." I immediately looked toward the ground. I don't feel bad about it or anything, that's just the way I am. But it's always just awkward telling people, so I do it sparingly. "... So like, you want to be a woman or...?" Komaeda asks. "What? No, like... The other way around." I laugh nervously. I didn't think that's the direction this conversation would go. Komaeda thinks about it for a moment and I could almost see the gears turning in his mind. "Ohh- Well that makes more sense I guess. So do you wanna go swimming now?" It's almost comical how quickly he got over it. "You don't... care? That's refreshing, I guess..." I exhale. At least that's out of the way. "It doesn't bother me or anything but it does make me wonder why you'd trust me, of all people, so much to tell me this..." I don't care enough to get on his case about the self-deprecation right now, because before he knows it, I'm practically squeezing him to death in a hug. "Thank you, Komaeda..." I whisper. I finally let him go and all he has to say is "How about we go swimming? We're kinda losing daylight here..." which seems to be the only thing on his mind right now. "Yeah. Um... By the way... Would you mind if I, uh... If I took of my shirt?" I can feel my face turn a deep red and I swear I didn't mean anything by it but in that moment my mind was racing. I've yet to comprehend what makes me trust Komaeda to this extent. Being shirtless in front of another person, Komaeda no less, is probably the most daring I've ever felt. "Oh, uh, yeah sure. I don't think I mind." He replies cooly, looking away while I unbutton. And in that moment, that's all I needed to hear._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeaaaaah baby thats what its all about wooohooo


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in a quiet moment, hajime looks back   
> (flashback/memories are in italics)  
> -  
> i dont write smut but i will say that by this point in time komaeda and hinata have had sex like once bc thats what i alluded to in the last chapter. idk just thought u should know to have a clear timeline yk? continuity.

_"I apologize if this comes off as too forward but..." Komaeda starts. I invited him to hang out today but we didn't really plan on anything so we're just hanging out in my cabin. "I've noticed you bind around everyone else but not me. Why is that?" He asks gently, like he's treading on thin ice. "Hm... I mean, you're the one I hang out with the most... Plus you've, uh, seen me without it before." I blush slightly. Truth be told, I don't know why I've entrusted him with this secret... or why I've... yeah. Are we even dating? Do friends with benefits comfort each other and hang out during the daytime? "Maybe I'm just testing the waters. I don't really like binding or feel a need for it I guess, it's more just for everyone else's comfort. I'd like to imagine a future where I don't bind at all..." I'd love to come out to everyone else but it just feels like inappropriate timing. I mean, does it really even matter if we're in a killing game? Komaeda thinks on what I said for a moment. "Ah well, you know I don't mind. I can't say I understand completely but I can see where you're coming from at least." Komaeda has been handling all of this surprisingly well, which is honestly refreshing._

I'm lying on my bed and Komaeda is lying on my stomach. It's pleasant and reminds me of our sweet moments back in the program, though back then we agreed I wouldn't lie on him since he was rather fragile. I'm absentmindedly playing with his hair, which he doesn't mind. I can't help but be grateful that we can have this, that we can have this incredibly hopeful future together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and honestly as much as i'd like to write smut i just feel weird about having that out there. maybe one day i guess. idk just know that it'd be wholesome and respectful and fit within the plot. think somewhere along the lines of bara boy, just them awkwardly trying to navigate sex. am i being too upfront with this. actually you know what mutuals would u think of me the same if i wrote smut bc i know i wouldnt


	5. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHOT DAY WITH THE BOYS LETS GOOOOOOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dedicated to my bro @unepical i wish u could tag people on ao3  
> -  
> keep in mind these chapters take place in the same post-game universe and timeline

"Komaedaaa, wake up!" I call from the bathroom. Usually, I let him sleep in because the lord knows he needs his rest... After we all came out of the simulation, Naegi made Komaeda spend quite a lot of time in the hospital due to his state. Fortunately, the kind of Lymphoma Komaeda had can be completely cured by radiation or chemotherapy, and by the blessings of lady luck, Komaeda made a full recovery. However, he has always had a weak immune system and was left immunocompromised so he takes immune booster shots. I've been transitioning for maybe a year and a half now, so I take testosterone shots. This is a long and winded way of saying that every Wednesday is what we in the Hinata-Komaeda household call Shot Day. It sounds kind of stupid but it helps us take care of ourselves and each other. 

Across the cottage, Komaeda stirs and sleepily mumbles "Why...." into the pillow. "It's Shot Day babe," I remind him. As much as he'd like to keep sleeping, or maybe say something about how he's least deserving of care and attention, he slowly begins to wake up. We've all grown since our teenage days in the simulation and Komaeda is no exception. With the help of me and a few of the others, he's come to know some of the simplest pleasures of life: self-care and self-love. It wasn't easy, but slowly I've seen his mindest change. Komaeda stretches, rolls to the edge of the bed, and pulls himself out of the depths of our bed. He shuffles over to the bathroom, combing his hair with his hands. "Good morning... Hinata..." He yawns. Basically, if you wake him up before he wakes himself up (which is normally past noon) he is insanely sleepy. Everyone on the island tries to wake up relatively early to help out with projects and restoration, but Naegi gave Komaeda a pass since he's recovering from cancer. Komaeda likes to play the cancer patient card whenever someone gets on his ass for sleeping in late quite frequently. Komaeda splashes water on his face a couple of times to fully wake himself up. "Ok, I'm up now," He laughs. "Good morning sleeping beauty~" I tease, kissing him gently on his forehead. 

I wipe down Komaeda's shoulder with an alcohol wipe and dig his medication out of the bathroom cabinet. I prepare the injection and make sure Komaeda is ready. "Alright... Okay, stay still," I warn. He isn't afraid of needles or anything since he's so used to them but I worry about hurting him anyway. He exhales as I line the needle up with his skin and slowly push the end of the syringe down. I take it out and toss the used syringe into our sharps container, like the ones you see at doctor's offices. I gently place a cute floral bandaid over the injection site and chuckle. "Hinata-kun, I'm fine, really!" Komaeda laughs once he notices the bandaid. "Besides, it's your turn!" I hop up on the bathroom counter while Komaeda gets out a fresh bottle of testosterone and checks the dosage on the prescription. Admittedly, needles do make me nervous (which is surprising coming from someone who willingly got experimented on), but I've gotten a lot better with them lately. I pull the edge of my shorts up just a bit so Komaeda can sterilize the site- which is my upper thigh. I laugh nervously, the way most people do before they get a flu shot. "You doing okay?" Komaeda asks, looking up at me. "Yeah, I'm okay..." I answer. Right as Komaeda is about to pierce my skin with the needle, he says "Oh my god what is Mioda doing?!" While pointing out the bathroom window. "She's doing wha-?" I turn to look out the window (which I didn't even notice had the blinds drawn closed) and right as I do, Komaeda injects me. He discards the used needle without a second thought. "Sorry Hinata-kun, I thought it'd make it easier for you. I probably should've asked but..." He trails off. I'm not mad, just astonished at how he knows me so well. "I can't believe that worked- The window was closed and I still fell for it!" I laugh and playfully elbow him in the side. 

"You really should have a skincare routine, Komaeda..." I tell him as I wash his hair. Shot Day also includes bathing together and sometimes a face mask from Rocketpunch. I know neither of us are that big a fan of waking up early, but Wednesday's have easily become the best day of the week for me. I like that we can have this post-shot ritual. It's intimate but in the purest meaning of the word. "Also, you can't wash your face with hand soap!" I tell him off. Our tub isn't really that big, so I don't have to move around that much to get closer to him. "Why not?" He asks. "Dude, it dries out your skin like super bad! C'mere..." I grab a pump bottle of actual face wash from the edge of the tub and squirt some into my hands. "Please use this from now on," I say, rubbing it into his skin gently, careful not to get any in his eyes. "Whatever you say Hinata-kun~" He chuckles and splashes me with soapy water. "Here, let me wash your hair!" Komaeda scoots closer, pouring shampoo into his hands while I lower my head slightly. "Your hair looks so weird when it's wet," He jokes, rubbing the shampoo into my scalp. "So you really just style your hair like that? The ahoge isn't natural?" Komaeda asks. I roll my eyes. "Yeah, but don't tell anyone!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> forget sex, nothing is more intimate than helping each other with your medical needs  
> \-   
> im not forgiving you dreamnotfound sickos for crashing the site while i was writing this last night


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for: anon on tumblr
> 
> prompt/request: "What about Hinata wanting to come out to the rest of the class but he is worried so he asks Nagito for support"
> 
> this is still in the timeline we've built! italics = flashback to the program

_Something's been gnawing at me for a while now. I have this feeling- this idea- that I should come out to the rest of the class, but is it even appropriate? We all have bigger things to worry about and I'm more or less content being the way I am. I'm perfectly fine with only Komaeda and Nanami knowing. And I mean, it wouldn't kill me to just wait a few months until we're outta here... Besides, what would they even do with that information? It's not like they need to know either, and what do I have to gain from telling them? I've been thinking this over in my cabin for maybe half an hour, just staring out the window and listening to the distant waves and my never-ending train of thought... Damn, I guess there's only one thing to do now, huh?_   
  
_I am not entirely sure what the status of our relationship is, but I always end up coming to him for advice nonetheless. I throw on a hoodie and shorts, not really bothering to put on a shirt or get fully dressed to go out at night. Breathing in the cool night air, I find my way back to Komaeda's cabin. I knock quietly on his door, just in case he's already asleep, but as usual, the door opens within seconds of my arrival. "Hinata-kun! What a pleasant suprise!" He beams. "What brings you here at this late hour?" He asks nervously, feeling like he already knows the answer. "Oh-! Uh, I'm actually here for a different reason, believe it or not..." I explain. "I need some advice on something."_

_We're sitting on the edge of the bed in his cabin, drinking room temperature water. "While I am flattered you'd come to me for advice, I am not sure I'm the most qualified. I'm sure there are many more competent people than I that could help you with your problem!" Komaeda exclaims, his voice as chipper as ever. "I- No, Komaeda, the rest of the class_ is _the problem... and Nanami is asleep anyway so..." I try my best to explain, but even I am not doing that great a job. Komaeda nods for me to go on. "I... I feel like I should tell the rest of our friends but I can't seem to find a reason why, you know? Like, why would they need to know, and why now?" I ask, but mostly to myself. Komaeda does his best to digest this information. "Well," He starts. "If you're worried about how they'll react, I'm sure it would go fine. We all have bigger fish to fry as they say..." He thinks for a moment more. "If you want me to be a bit honest, I don't think they'd care that much, and I don't mean that in a bad way. I don't think it would change the way anyone sees you, look at Nanami and I for example. I don't think you being trans has changed the way I see you, right?" He asks me. I can't help but laugh a little bit at his words. "Oh, it's changed the way you see me, if you catch my drift, haha..." I am funny sometimes, I think. Komaeda goes red and buries his face in his hands. "Hinataaa, you know that's not what I meant!" He laughs and lightly elbows me in the side. "But seriously, I think it'd go over pretty well so it's up to you of course. I'm not good with this kind of thing but I hope I could help." Komaeda concludes._

_"Thanks, really, this helped." I say, pulling my... boyfriend? friend? in for a hug. "Uh, not to change topics or anything but, like... what are we, Komaeda...?" I ask awkwardly. "Hm," He says and is quiet for a moment. "What do you want us to be?" Komaeda asks me, clearly not all too sure himself. "I... I think it would be nice if you were my boyfriend..." I admit. "Oh," He says. I've fucked it up haven't I? "I think I would like that too!" He smiles. I exhale in relief and excitement. So it's official now, isn't it? Might as well double check... "Nagito Komaeda, do you want to be my boyfriend?" I ask him, smiling brighter than I can ever remember smiling. Even though he knew what was coming, he still blushes a faint tinge of pink. "Yes I do, Hajime Hinata." He answers giddily. I crawl closer to him and hold him tighter than before. "Oh, by the way, would you like to stay over tonight?" My boyfriend asks, a bit of confidence shining through his nervous exterior. Only then do I realize how tired I am, and I'm sure he does as well._

_"Sure," I yawn. I brushed my teeth and all that earlier in my cabin, so I just scoot backward to my unofficial yet official spot on the right side of the bed and Komaeda follows suit with the left. "Ah, Hinata-kun, it's quite warm in here, won't you overheat in that hoodie?" He whispers to me in the dark with concern. I doubt he can see it, but I roll my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I see what you're trying to do.." I laugh a bit. Komaeda chuckles. "Was I really that obvious?" He asks. "Yeah, but you're getting what you wanted anyway, freak." I tease, pulling my hoodie off over my head and tossing it somewhere in the depths of Komaeda's cabin. I scoot close to him and put an arm around him._   
  
_"Goodnight, Komaeda" I sigh contently._

_"Goodnight, Hinata-kun."  
_

I ended up coming out to the remaining members of the class that next morning, and it went about as well as one could hope. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for not updating for a minute, but i cannot keep carrying this headcanon on my shoulders like this. whenever i stop posting, the trans hajime tag goes stagnant... a shame, really
> 
> if you appreciate my work, consider buying me a coffee (tipping 3 dollars) at ko-fi.com/divineddead


	7. VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they are sleeping :]   
> btw please request things in the comments I’ll do it man

Komaeda is sleeping peacefully beside me, his first peaceful night of rest all week. Neither of us are strangers to the “occasional” nightmare- they happened at least once a week if we’re being honest. My husband tells me that he dreams of his death, the simulation, and of course, _her._ A word dripping so much with malice and despair that he needn’t say the name who the pronoun belonged to. Or maybe... maybe we would dream of _her_ , soft and delicate, a word kissed by angels. The pronoun belonging to the most... there’s hardly an adjective that could come close to describing her. We saw her death, I saw what Kamukura saw, her final moments. Her hair pin, acquired by Kamukura ages ago, hangs framed in a shadow box by her arcade machines in the hotel lobby. Komaeda breathes steadily and softly beside me, laying on his stomach and clutching his pillow. So why am I awake this late? I don’t have sleep troubles, or at least not anymore. Sometimes I just find myself awake, listening to the waves, a habit that formed back in the program.   
  


The ceiling fan spins lazily above my head, circulating cool air through the cabin. I yawn and scratch the underside of my jaw and quietly turn over to face my husband. I plant a soft kiss on his bare shoulder and draped my arm over him, holding him gently. “Mh- Hinata-kun? You should be asleep...” He mumbles sleepily. “Probably,” I chuckle, kissing him on the side of his neck and playing with his hair. Komaeda smiles as though he were still asleep and rolls over to face me. The moonlight drifting into our cabin reflects lightly off of Komaeda’s pale chest as he attempts to move even closer to me and buries himself in my arms. Embarrassingly enough, I was a lot shorter when I was a teenager though not much shorter than Komaeda was. Nonetheless I was the little spoon back then. And even now we don’t have much of a height difference, though I am finally just a couple inches taller than him. After long days, and long nights, he always finds a place in my arms. 

“Good morning, Komaeda,” I whisper into his hair after glancing at the clock on our nightstand. 2:32 am. “G’morning...” He yawns. “I remembered a nice moment this time...” He says. “From when?” I ask. “It was from that night in the program when we really started dating,” I can feel him smiling into my chest as he describes it. “We were laying kind of like this, actually. ‘Cept I was the one holding you, haha...” Komaeda mumbles happily. “I remember that, it was a nice night.” I agree with him. I run my hand through his soft hair and he practically purrs like a kitten. He hasn’t admitted it yet, but he loves having his hair played with. “Mm- Why are you awake, Hinata-kun?” He finally asks. “I’m not sure, but it’s peaceful being the only ones awake in the early morning, isn’t it?” I wonder. Komaeda looks so cute when he’s tired like this. “Y-yeah,” He yawns. “It’s peaceful...” I can tell he’s close to drifting back off to sleep, so I pull the blanket comfortably over our bodies and give him one last kiss on his head.   
  


“Sleep well, my love,” I whisper in his ear as I too am greeted by the sweet embrace of sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha boob


	8. VIII (nsfw but make it classy)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cis people dont touch this i will kill you on the spot mutuals and friends you get a pass MAYBE so tread lightly  
> (Mathilda most of this is build up and the smut is like towards the end so just avoid that part)
> 
> you know what i was embarrassed about writing this initially but not anymore because honestly the people needed this and who am i to deny service? someone had to do it and as always it had to be me. view this the way you would view a portrait in a museum. thank you to @unepical for enabling this and my good friend mioda for helping me out as if this were a group project

_“Ah, good evening Hinata-kun!” Komaeda greets me at the door. We’ve officially been dating for maybe a week or two now and even though we haven’t reaaally told anyone, I’m pretty sure they just assumed anyway. Even before we were dating, I still found my way to his cabin late at night every now and then. “Need any more advice? You know you left your hoodie here the other night...” He trails off, leaning lightly on the doorframe, moths fluttering around the porch light. “Haha, uh, actually quite the opposite this time around...” I joke, watching Komaeda process what I’m trying to say. “...Oh!” He says once he realizes. “Then, by all means, come inside.” He smiles, pulling me into his cabin by my tie and slamming the door with his foot. We aren't like, great at this or anything and I'm kind of not sure how it started, seeing as we genuinely loathed each other for a good period of time. Komaeda cups the curve of my cheek with his hand, moving his face closer until I could feel the gentle rhythm of his breathing and smell the lingering scent of lavender shampoo. His kisses are something special, soft and delicate and gentle, yet it's intoxicating. Like a black hole pulling you under until all gravity is lost. We stay like that for a while, kissing quietly a mere few inches from his bed. Daring to move, Komaeda slowly guides us to the bed, his green jacket slipping off his shoulders in the process. Lady Luck has always been in the favor of Nagito Komaeda in moments like these, rooting for him from the sidelines with her mistress Aphrodite._

_Whether it was Luck's doing or not, he moved a little too enthusiastically and we both tripped over the edge of the mattress and fell backward. "Nice move, Komaeda." I laugh, turning over on my side to face him and brushing the hair out of his eyes. "I do hope you'll be able to forgive me, Hinata." He chuckles innocently, slowly moving closer. "Oh, I don't know," I tease. "There's no coming back from this one, I'm afraid." All Komaeda does is laugh lightly, hovering over me, with his hair falling in my face and a glint of something wild in those grey-green eyes. "Is that so?" He mutters, smiling stupidly. "You could always change my mind, you know..." I tell him, sitting up fully to kiss him properly, tangling my fingers in his hair, holding the back of his head in one hand and his face with the other. It's funny, catching him off guard and taking control every now and then because despite all his talk, he really doesn't know how to act. I loosen up a bit and let Komaeda take the reigns once again, even though neither of us really know what we're doing. He lays me down on a pillow near the headboard and breaks away for a moment to take his belt off and shimmy out of his jeans. I wasn't wearing a belt to begin with so I just take off my jeans and tie, tossing them to the floor._

_"You can't keep leaving clothes here, Hinata-kun..." He mumbles, planting kisses across my jawline and down my neck as if my skin was the Garden of Hesperides, so desperate, almost like I too, could grant immortality. His cool hand slips under the wrinkled fabric of my shirt and he moves delicately over my warm skin. He stops momentarily. "This is alright, isn't it?" Komaeda asks per usual, concern seeping into his voice, always worried he'd accidentally hurt me. "Of course, you know I'd let you know if I change my mind, right?" I confirm, looking up at him. In moments like these, I sometimes come close to agreeing with my boyfriend's spiel about hope and despair. Despite all odds, we've found this bubble of hope amid a killing game of all things. He goes back to tending his garden, leaving a trail of dark marks and small bruises just in case anyone gets lost and slowly traces circles over the curve of my chest and the soft skin of my stomach. He moves to unbutton my shirt, even then looking at me to make sure that yes, this is okay. I nod, heat creeping up my face, which is apparently contagious from the light shade of pink gracing Komaeda's face as well. He quickly unbuttons my shirt and removes his own, tossing them aimlessly to the side. Something about Komaeda is just... truly beautiful. Whether it was the light freckles scattered over his body or the way his sharp bones poke out from his skin or how his fading, bright white surgical scars tell a story..._

_"You alright down there, Hinata-kun?" He smiles, the ceiling light making him look angelic, halo and all. He must've noticed me spacing out for a good minute. "I am, I'm just... You're so handsome, Komaeda." I admit breathlessly. His face goes dark red and I laugh. It's fun making him flustered, though in the next few minutes I'll probably regret teasing him so much. He finds one of his bruises from earlier and lightly scrapes at it with his teeth, making me whine. "You're so pretty like this,_ Hajime _." He breathes right next to my ear, and I know the use of my first name was intentional and strategic judging by the shimmer in his eye when my breath hitches. He slowly moves down my stomach, leaving a kiss here and there. "Haha, tummy..." He says mostly to himself. "Shut uppp, Komaeda!" I hide my face in my arms when Komaeda silently palms at my boxers and I exhale shakily. Komaeda isn't particularly confident with all this, but that's okay I think since we are both trying to get a hang of the whole sex thing. He awkwardly peels my boxers off and starts leaving kisses and marks on the inside of my thighs. It kind of amazes me how a man who was once physically restrained out of fear of murdering someone, a man who has already come very close to murdering someone can be so loving and so trusted by me. "Komaeda, I get that you are trying not to hurt me," I prop myself up on my elbows to look down at him. "But you're barely touching anything."_

 _"Oh-! I'm sorry, Hinata-kun, I..." He looks around nervously. "I am not very good at this, am I?" He asks lightheartedly. "Not really, but neither am I so it balances out," I assure him, sitting up completely and holding his hands in mine. We sit like that for a moment while Komaeda regains his composure, the gears turning in his mind though I can hardly imagine why. "Okay, okay..." He says to himself and I trust that he has some sort of plan so I just lay back down. He steadies me my holding onto my hip and uses his free hand to slowly rub circles into my clit, setting an almost agonizing pace. "Nh-_ Nagito _... could you go a little f-faster...?" I breathe, hoping to win him over. "Slow and steady wins the race, isn't that right,_ Hajime _?" He whispers. I know he's up to something, using my name ever so sparingly. I writhe under his touch and for a minute the only sounds in the room are the sounds of my shaky breaths and my quiet whines. "H-Hah... You... You're getting good a-at this..." I whimper. The praise must've gone to his head because he suddenly seems a lot more sure of himself. "You're so beautiful,_ Hajime," _Komaeda wipes a bead of sweat from my eyebrow and moving my hair out of my eyes. Something about all of this is just... Breathtaking. This moment is that of fairy tales and baroque oil paintings and the crumbling statues of Rome. A man riddled with fading scars and a smattering of freckles, spending precious time with a man who once thought he could never be loved at all. "So handsome, Hinata-kun..." He murmurs, carefully inserting one of his bony fingers inside of me, and I swear I almost stopped breathing._

 _"_ _Is this okay?" He asked softly, studying the look on my face and the way my breath stopped dead in my throat. "Mmph-! I- I'm fine...!" A soft moan escapes me, disappearing into the air. Komaeda pushes upwards, curling his finger gently, over and over again. “Nnh- Fu-fuck, Nagi...Nagito...” I cry out, stars and maybe some tears blurring my vision. “You’re doing so well,” He notes. All I can really do is clutch desperately at his_ _free shoulder, keeping me tethered to reality when he adds another one of those accursed fingers of his. I can feel his left hand rubbing the soft skin on my shoulder reassuringly and I can feel his index and middle fingers pick up the pace. The only word that really comes to mind right now, the only way I could describe what it’s like being with him, is bliss. "A-Ah... Nagito, ple- please go f-faster..." I practically plead, too far gone at this point. Komaeda nods, his breath hot on my skin and my hands tangled up in his white hair while I helplessly squirm underneath my boyfriend’s gentle touch. I can feel myself slipping between the borders of consciousness and if Komaeda keeps going I may just unlock the secrets of the universe. “K- Nagito I- Hnhg... I...!” Not a single full word was said, except for Komaeda’s name, which is metaphorical in some way though I haven’t the energy to find out why. I see bright white, and for a second I could swear I met God- one of them, anyway. By the time I came back to Earth, I was greeted by Komaeda caressing me softly, adoration shining brightly in his eyes._

_He ruffles my damp hair with a towel and rummages around in his drawers. "Here," He says, handing me an old shirt of his and running his hands through my hair one last time. "Haha, you look nice in my clothes..." He says awkwardly once I pulled it over my head. "Thanks, you can always borrow one of mine," I offer, flopping down on my side of the bed and stretching lazily. Komaeda yawns and joins me, crawling over to me and holding me close. He still smells of lavender, though it's even stronger now and I smell the same after using his shampoo. He plays with my hair and trails his hand lightly over my face. We listen to the steady, slow tempo of our heartbeats until they slowly sync up, and we drift off into a comfortable sleep._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u freaks on ao3 need to have some taste and class. writing is art and should be treated as such, now pay me /lh
> 
> -  
> halfway through writing this i was like aw this is so cute man i really have to make them have sex dont i. i tried so hard to make this romantic and symbolic but every single fan fiction word for vagina is awful god i really dont wanna say wet folds but i dont wanna be vulgar either and say pussy HEKP


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